Joy in Fear

“...Roads go ever ever on Under cloud and under star, Yet feet that wandering have gone Turn at last to home afar. Eyes that fire and sword have seen And horror in the halls of stone Look at last on meadows green And trees and hills they long have known.”- J.R.R. Tolkien

Recently, I found myself reading The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien for the first time since I was nine years old. This time, I noticed many things I hadn't noticed before; like the importance of adventure, fear, and home. I have many fears, most of them due to a lack of confidence. I often tell myself that "if I have confidence I can do etc…" but, after reading the Hobbit I realized that Bilbo had very little confidence, close to none at all, yet, by doing the things he did, he gained confidence.

I realized that the way to be confident isn't to try to gain it before your adventure. Confidence is gained while living the adventure. You gain confidence by overcoming the fear of doing something, not the thing itself. While the fear is unpleasant, the outcome is amazing and I have to remind myself of that multiple times a week.

When we fear something, we’re often told that we have to face our fears, I think we have to find joy in them. Over the past couple of years, I’ve faced many fears, but what recently occurred to me, was that I was still afraid, because I never found the joy in it. If I find the joy in anticipation of overcoming fear, the next time I do that thing, I won’t be afraid.

Fear is a bittersweet thing. It starts off like a rustle in the woods that you’re afraid to walk towards for fear of it being something horribly dangerous, but once you begin to walk towards it, it turns out to be a small bunny that was just trying to make its way into a grassy green field. Fear is the rustle, walking is the anticipation, and the bunny coming out of the brambles is the joy. It’s something that we don’t know is there until we walk forward which is why we have to remember that as we’re walking forward, we need to enjoy that feeling of anticipation, fear, and joy.

Another thing that Tolkien talks about is the aftermath of the joy and the fear. Afterward, there’s home and a resting place. After walking for miles, searching, suffering, discomfort, and war; then comes home. Once you face that fear and you’re not afraid anymore. You can finally breathe and not feel so scared all the time.

Bilbo was scared to be brave, so I would encourage you to ask yourself if you are too. If you face the fear of being brave, you can find joy and that joy will make it easier to face any other fear you have. Tolkien shows us that yes, adventure is amazing and rewarding and allows you to face your fears and find beauty; but home can be even better. It teaches us that to face our fear we may have to sacrifice some comfort or the thing that we cherish deeply, but we will have more than we had before when we come back. This is truly a comforting thought.

Adventure is unexpected, fear often seems unpleasant, and confidence seems impossible to grasp but once you take a second and think about it, you begin to realize that fear can be beautiful, adventure can be enlightening, and confidence can be won. You win it through overcoming and finding the joy in the fear. From now on, I’ve decided that I will find joy in the fear I will make mistakes, I will take the adventure, and I will find confidence and joy while doing it, because that is how to truly face your fears.